Last Saturday Tony and I got our engagement pictures taken at Sears. Some of them turned out really cute. I'll post when we get them back, hopefully; they'll be in on the 4th. The pics were around $150, which Tony was not pleased about at all. He was like, "We should've gone to Wal-Mart..." Whatever.

Nothing eventful happened Sunday. I worked. That was all.

Monday comes. I got a call asking to come into work. Being exhausted, I decline and say I'll work 9-5:30 Thursday instead. (I was only working til 1.) So instead, Tony picks me up and we head back to the barracks for a barbeque, since it was absolutely gorgeous out. I had some very excellent filet mignon (my favorite food ever) that Tony prepared for me himself on the grill. After the barbeque was over, that's when the fun began.

Tony decided that we should get a hotel room. So we headed down to the Microtel a few miles outside the north gate of Ft. Drum and got one. We commenced making love a total of 3 times in the span of about 5 hours. At one point we actually fell off the bed mid-coitus! That has to be the funniest thing to ever happen to me during sex. We were leaning backwards, and I guess we leaned back just a little too far, and next thing we know we're on the floor! We then just kept doing it while we were down there. Why stop just because of a little fall? Anyway, my mom wanted me home by 11:30, so he dropped me off and I had to attempt to walk the rest of the night, due to being in pain from too much of a good thing. Ouch. But sometimes it's no pain, no gain...you know?

Tuesday. What happened on Tuesday? I'm trying to remember...probably nothing. I can't remember.

Wednesday I went to karaoke. I made finals again, and this time, I fucking WON! And I thought my performance of Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" sucked ass. But apparently not, because I won $25 and a t-shirt (I gave the shirt to Tony, since I already have one). Tony got all pissy because he only got to sing once. He said he's never coming back. But he needs to stop being a baby and just suck it up and try to have a good time. I only sang 1 song before I made finals, and even in the finals I only sang 1 more. So it's not like I was any better off, really.

Thursday wasn't as weird a day for me as I thought it would be, seeing as it was the 1 year anniversary of my suicide attempt. So right now I'm going to take some time to reflect on how much my life has changed in 1 year. Here goes:

*I have gone from being out-of-control manic to achieving some form of stability.

*I have gone from being in a horribly toxic and mentally abusive relationship to finding the perfect fit, one that won't try to fuck with my head as badly as she did.

*I have gone from loathing who I am to having self-respect for the first time in my life.

*I have gone from letting suicide dictate my life to not even having it for so much as an afterthought.

*I have grown as a woman, as an American, as a heathen, and as a human being in more ways than I could possibly count.

Those are the big things. But just looking back on the past year, I am proud to say that I'm proud of myself. I have made some giant steps in the right direction. I have changed my life around almost completely in such a short amount of time; it's amazing. I hope that some day I'll be able to share my story with the world, and if one person is able to be influenced by it in a positive manner, I will be satisfied.

Anyway, moving on. Friday was a long day. I was supposed to leave work at 1:30, but Laura called in sick and I ended up staying til 5:30. And I had to deal with rude customers, too. Then later that night I decided to go see Idiot River's production of "My Fair Lady". My God, is that play fucking long! 3 1/2 hours later, I'm sitting in my seat going, "Will this ever fucking END??" Yes, that damn play is 3 1/2 hours long. Ridiculous. But I saw some people from high school I recognized, including Rob, whom I have not seen in forever. I really miss hanging out with him. But at least he's coming to the wedding.

Today I had to go to my dress fitting in the morning. After that, to kill time before my 9 hour shift (yes, 9 hours IS a ridiculously long shift, at least in my eyes) my mom and sister and I ate breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Then I went to work for 9 fucking hours, and I just got back a little while ago. I'm tired and my feet are throbbing. And I get to work 6 1/2 hours tomorrow. What fun. At least I have Monday off. I am really, really looking forward to that. And they better not call me in, or I will scream.

OK, I feel now is a good time to talk about the war that's going on. I'd like to bring this from the perspective of someone whose entire life has been centered around the military's every whim, and will continue to be centered around for a few more years. (Yes, I mean me.) And I'm only going to dissertate briefly. But I just think that all the protesters that think this whole thing about oil have no idea what they're even talking about. America is the peacekeeper of the world, as well as the most powerful and influential country. We're trying to free the Iraqi citizens from a hate-filled terrorist regime here, and the protesters need to realize that if it weren't for Americans, the women over in the middle east would still be treated like prisoners (for example.) We are just trying to spread peace, and protesters need to know what exactly they're protesting before they start picketing and writing horrible songs and whatnot. And something Tony read brought up a good point: if you are able to enjoy being in a free country, thank a soldier. Many, many men and women are risking their lives for a cause here. I myself risk becoming a widow before I'm of legal age to drink here. And my dad can't leave the Air Force due to stop-loss, so he's stuck waiting to see if he gets deployed, even though he was set to retire and be out of here in June. So 2 of the most important men in my life are putting their lives on the line to keep this nation free so there can BE fucking protesters. But I thought it was a beautiful thing on Wednesday at karaoke when after watching the president speak on TV everyone in the club stood up at the microphone and sang "God Bless The USA". Truly amazing. I wanted to cry. Now that's the kind of thing we need right now: unity. After all, united we stand, divided we fall.

Now that I've been on my little soapbox here, it's time to get something to eat, take my pills, and get some sleep.