What brings this on, you ask? I chatted with Diver Chris yesterday. He informs me that he may have a girlfriend soon. I, ever the dogmatic one, freak out. It was as if he'd stabbed my heart with an ice pick over the internet. Why do I care so much? Rob warned me not to get too attached to him, but ever the obstinate one, I didn't listen. I didn't listen when people warned me about Amanda, and I told myself to start listening to people, seeing as that mistake almost cost me my life. See how far that's gotten me...

I have Cane. Cane cares about me. I care about Cane. If I had to choose between Cane or Diver Chris, I'd pick Chris. But I can't have Chris. I still have Cane, though. Grr! I hate this dilemma!!!

I did write a poem about this, though...when I get around to it, I'll type it in here. But I don't feel like it at the moment. So there. :P

My psychiatrist has me on a new medication. In addition to the 7.5 mg of Zyprexa, I am now on 250 mg of Depakote to try and control my mood swings. So far, all I've been doing is rapidly cycling all week and being nauseous from the Depakote side effects. I just want the madness to stop. I hate not being able to control my moods. It sucks royal ass to feel like you're going to lose touch with reality at any given moment.

My parents are gone for the weekend...my dad's running a marathon in Ohio. My mom was very hesitant to leave me here with my sister because of how my moods have been lately. Hell, she worries about me whenever I step foot outside the house. But I think I'll be able to last a weekend...right?

If it weren't for the fact that my parents have spies all over the place, I'd invite Cane over for a little "sumthin sumthin" while my sister's at her dance tomorrow night. I'll probably just go over to the barracks for my "sumthin sumthin." I think we've learned our lesson now not to have unprotected sex. At least, I have...I am NOT going through the "Am i or am i not?" bullshit again. I'm not ready for children, and I doubt I ever will be, either. I'd rather have puppies, anyway.

Speaking of Cane, I was nice the other night and brought him some macaroni and cheese while he was on staff duty. He was very appreciative, and I got a few kisses from him (while he was still in uniform, mind you...I always get my way, hehehe!). He really liked it considering he'd had a crap day at work. I just like seeing him smile, and I knew bringing him food would do the trick. :)

Well, I'm missing Golden Girls, and I need to take my meds, so off I go.