Every day I love you more

Although I know it was counterproductive to write her in the first place, I finally got a response from Amanda. She said that she doesn't have a job, most of her friends have turned her back on her, and is surviving on $5 at the moment. I'm really worried about her. I want nothing more than to be there for her because I know she could use a friend right now. However, she said she's going to respect my parents' wishes and not contact me from now on. I don't care what anyone else thinks, I still want to be with her. I miss her terribly. It hurts that she won't talk to me. I want to keep hope alive, I really do, and telling me I can't do something gives me incentive to do it anyway.

Last night ended up being pretty uneventful. Katie picked us up and we went to Stewart's for ice cream. Rob and Josh S. were there. I've been invited to the cast party for the junior/senior play next Friday, which I'll probably go to in spite of my not wanting to re-live high school. A lot of my friends will be there, and it gives me something to do on a Friday night.

"Ragtime" is coming to Syracuse next month. I really want to go! I want to get an idea of what to strive for when I sing in the Leading Ladies show. I'll talk to Don and see if I can get some people together and make a road trip of it.

I've decided to devote myself to a great cause: losing 20 pounds by June. I've decided to start walking my dog, Diamond, every day because both of us could use the exercise. (Missy, my other dog, isn't ideal for walking long distances.) Yesterday while doing this I determined that walking a male dog has one big drawback: he has to stop pretty much everywhere to "mark his territory". That gets old really quick! But it made him happy to be outside, and it did the same for me due to the release of endorphins. Along with losing 20 pounds, I figure the exercise will help improve my mood and lesson any hypomanic/depressive episodes and help me live a somewhat normal life. I decided to embark on this mission after realizing most of my pants don't fit. The reason I want to lose the weight by June is so I can fit into one of my prom dresses for the Leading Ladies show. (The other night I tried to fit into last year's and couldn't zip it up halfway, much to my annoyance.) It's driving me nuts that I have to squeeze like nothing else to put on a fucking pair of pants that fit me fine 6 months ago.

I've noticed an addiction I've formed: watching reruns of "The Golden Girls". It's sad when I turn "Friends", one of my absolute favorite shows, in favor of "Golden Girls". It's actually a highlight of my day to catch an episode or two. I keep thinking I'll end up like Chris Kattan in the "SNL" skit about a "Golden Girls" obsession. Yikes!

I'm in the mood to go do something, so I think I'll take Diamond for our daily walk.