Anyway, last night was rather fun. After the show, I went out to Spinners. I met up with a few guys I met Wednesday, and got into a rather interesting conversation. First we talked about tattoos, then piercings (I got to gross them out by telling them about the prince albert I did on a guy the same age as my grandfather), then lesbian sex. Which prompted us to go to Clueless in hopes that I could get lesbian sex. One of the guys was dead set on me getting some pussy more than him. But alas, I ended up being a pussy myself and chickening out whenever it came to try to talk to any of the ladies I thought were hot. Dammit, why am I so fucking shy when it comes to flirting with girls? I have flirting guys down to a science, so much so that I tend to flirt and not realize I am. (Amanda was ALWAYS bitching at me about that...but what's wrong with a little conversation with the opposite sex?) He would literally push me in the direction of a cute little butchie girl, and I would resist, turn beet red, and go back to my little corner, smoking Marlboro Lights and drinking Skyy Blue. *sigh* I'm pathetic, I really am.

Today I didn't wake up til 4:30 this afternoon. Which prompted me to haul my ass out of bed because I had to get the gift for Jane, my director, from the rest of the cast. So I went to the mall and Michaels for that, then headed off to get ready at Partridge Berry Inn for the show.

After the show (which was our biggest crowd yet--70 people, which for dinner theatre in Watertown is impressive), I headed out to Pennants. I got a call from the guys I hung out with last night to join them at Mardi Gras, so I headed over to Spinners to see if Dawn wanted to join me after she got off work. Unfortunately, I ran into Tim (the dumb bastard), but luckily he ignored me. I KNEW I'd run into him tonight. Fuck. However, since no one wanted to help Dawn clean (besides me), we didn't get out of there until almost 2, and that's when all the bars close around here. After briefly making a re-appearance at Pennants, I headed home, where I am now.

I borrowed the "Leading Ladies" tape from Elizabeth (one of my cast mates who was in the show, too...she actually sang right before I went on), and my performance was, well, interesting. Aside from the fact that I look horrendously fat in my dress, there were some notes that I hit that were downright scary. I need to work on vibrato control, because I hate sounding all warbly. And I did on more than one occasion in that show. Grr.

On a totally different note, I feel horrible about what I'm doing to Sorin. That boy loves me more than anything, and I know it's breaking his heart that I'm taking time off from relationships with anyone, him included. I do love him, but I need some quality Krie time. I've never allowed myself that because I've been hopping from one relationship to the next since I was 12. (Well, I didn't hop for 2 years, but that's because I was with Josh. That doesn't count because I wasn't by myself.) I'd like to be with him, because I do love him, but I just can't commit right now. I'm too burned out by relationships. I need some time to get myself back on track and stable. Stability is the key there...I'm finally starting to be stable for the first time ever, and I don't want to jeopardize that.

I need to get some sleep for my final performance in "Spirit!" tomorrow, so off I go.