Every day I love you more

It's gotten to the point where I can't talk to, or read about, any pregnant women unless they're military spouses because it seems they're the only ones I can relate to. I get Baby Talk magazine in the mail, and it's painful for me to read most of it. I keep reading stories about how their husbands do this and that for them, how wonderful they were when their wives were pregnant, how they have sex during pregnancy...and it seriously depresses me because I don't have that. The only part of this pregnancy Tony's really seen firsthand was me puke all the time from morning sickness. He left for Afghanistan when I was about 8-9 weeks pregnant. I have to go at this alone, closest family is in Michigan, and it kills me inside to see how happy all these other pregnant women are with their hubbys. Mine won't get to feel her kick, he didn't get to see her moving on the ultrasound like I did, he can't go make midnight food runs for me...we'll be damn lucky if he gets to see her birth at all. I don't even want to take childbirth classes because I'll have to deal with seeing a roomful of happy pregnant couples and I'll be all alone, no one to go with me. They offer special classes on post, so I may go to those because at least there's women that can understand what I'm going through better. It's gotten to where I've stopped posting on pregnancy message boards that aren't military affiliated because I'm the only one posting that doesn't have her husband here. I hate having to read about, "Oh, John did this for me and the baby today...isn't he the greatest?" or "Sam felt the baby moving today...he loves to rub my belly all the time." Any crap like that and I start crying. It tears me apart inside because this is our first baby, and he's missing the newness and excitement of it all. I was reading this article in Baby Talk about why pregnant women are sexy, and all these husbands were saying how much they loved seeing their wives pregnant and how beautiful they were and how they did all sorts of things for them...I had to stop reading it because I was bawling my eyes out, much like I am at the moment. I'd give anything for Tony to be here to experience all this stuff with me. When I hear all these things from happy pregnant couples who have husbands that aren't halfway across the world, I just want to yell, "SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" As bad as this sounds, I want them all to be miserable because I'm miserable. If they hadn't gotten the fucking extension, he'd be coming home this month. I don't know when he's coming home now...I'm praying he can make it in time to see her birth, but that's about the best I can do for now. I'd do anything to even see him for 5 minutes, to be held by him and know that everything will be okay...

OK, that was lengthy, but it just makes me feel like shit to talk to or hear about non-military affiliated pregnant women whose husbands are home every night with them. Thanks if you got through all that.