Albanian

Spoken in: Albania

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10=dhjet�

OK, this will be another pissed off dissertation, with a hilarious twist that I just found out about Monday from Tony (who heard it from Byars.) This is about Dawn.

Dawn and I met while I was working at Pennants last summer. She stepped in to help me out one day when Sharon was out. She seemed cool at first, and said she was having problems writing her history paper. I said I was good at history and she asked if I could help her out. She'd pay me.

That's how it allllll started.

After that, she decided that instead of doing her own work, she'd pay me to do it for her instead. I thought I was helping a friend and getting some cash on the side for it. Nothing major. Others thought it was immoral, but I didn't see it that way.

However, she started getting more and more demanding. She was constantly throwing new projects at me and it was taking its toll on my life. I kept trying to tell her that I couldn't do everything for her, but would she listen? Of course not. She was too wrapped up in her own little world to care about mine.

Then it fell apart after I agreed to do an online course for her and get paid a good chunk of money for it. Money she couldn't afford, mind you, but she did it anyway because she's psycho. Then I got engaged to Tony and we started planning our wedding. The planning, plus work, was taking all of my time, and I tried to tell her that, but once again she refused to listen. Finally, I just stopped doing it for her, right in the middle of the course. She'd only listen to drastic measures, and this was the only way to get through to her. She became a total bitch to me after that, and we haven't spoken since.

Fast forward to what is absolutely hilarious. (Well, *I* think it's hilarious.) A long time ago, she told me about her psychotic ex-husband that beat her. Then she introduced me to Terry, and she said he wanted to marry her. I asked her about it later, seeing if he was her fiance, but she was like, "Hell no! He's just a friend!" Then one night Tony and Bonney were out at Spinners, and Bonney casually and in an inoffensive way went up to her and asked if it was true that she was marrying Terry. She totally freaked out, calling management on him and trying to get him thrown out of the bar. Which didn't work, by the way. And one time Tony saw Terry at the mall with her kids, and when Tony asked him what he was doing with them, he said, "Oh, uh, they're Dawn's, I'm just watching them for her."

Then came the story about Terry's wife, Riva. Apparently, everyone thought she lived in Tennesee or something. But Dawn said Riva actually lives in Watertown, and she's friends with her, and they were plotting to take all of Terry's money and skip town with it. And Terry lives in the barracks to collect extra separation pay.

Now to the hilarious part. Terry decides he wants to divorce Riva, and being too impatient to wait for the 1st sgt. and battery commander to hand her the divorce papers, he enlists Byars and Jerman to do it for him. Well, they show up to her door with the papers, and guess what?

RIVA *IS* DAWN!!!!!!!

Apparently she has 2 identities. She had to totally change her name and stuff when she got divorced, but married Terry with her real name, Riva. And all this time denying she was involved with him, trying to get restraining orders on his ass...and she's his fucking WIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Anyway, Riva/Dawn tried to call the MP's on Byars and Jerman, saying they were lying or some crazy shit. Then she broke down crying and explained the whole situation to them.

Personally, I think this whole thing is hilarious. And what's even funnier is when I heard Terry was getting divorced, before we found who his wife actually is, Rob asked if his wife was hot, and Tony's like, "Most likely not. I mean, she IS married to TERRY. She CAN'T be hot." And all this time, it was Dawn. Oh my fucking god.

Now I'm going to spend the rest of my shift laughing hysterically in my head.